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OUTSIDE THE BOX

Experiments with new media, techniques, and subjects.

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July 6 - August 31, 2024 - Cedar City Public Library

 

This exhibition is all about exploring new processes, media, and themes. I am passionate about all sorts of media, styles, and subject matter, and it is hard for me to just stick to one thing. But for a long time, I felt like I had to figure out what my “iconic style” is and just make art in that style. Recently, I have been realizing that I don’t have to put myself in a box of what a traditional artist looks like and I don’t have to do just one thing for the rest of my artistic career. So I decided to let loose, try new things, and push myself outside the box I inadvertently created for myself. 

 

I have opened up and made a vulnerable series about mental health and healing. I was spontaneous and found inspiration through a series of photographs of my bedroom window blinds. I started a new painting series that pushes the boundaries of realism and abstraction. And I tried digital collage, stretching myself to improve my digital skills. I also experimented a lot with circles in my art, literally forcing me to think outside the box.

 

I hope you enjoy this exhibition, and I hope it inspires you to try new things, explore the world around you, and be creative.

CEDAR CITY MANDALAS

I love patterns. I love the fact that you can take simple shapes or images, and combine and repeat them in different ways to create beautiful patterns. In this series, I wanted to experiment with creating circular compositions while highlight the sights and buildings that make Cedar City so unique.

LIONFISH BLIND PHOTO SERIES

These photos were created by setting the shutter speed to 4 seconds, focusing on the little slivers of light coming through my bedroom window, and spinning the camera while it took the picture. I would move my camera differently with each shot, creating a new composition each time. The colors and patterns reminded me of lionfish, but each image also had its own subtle imagery, so that is where I drew inspiration for the titles of these photos. 

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This was a fun experimental series that allowed me to let loose, be spontaneous, and find beauty in unexpected places.

LOOK CLOSER

I want seemingly mundane details to transcend the everyday and become a work of art in people’s eyes. To do this, I recontextualize them by exploring abstraction. My artistic inspiration is drawn from the real world -- what I see around me. But I relish the challenge of pushing these details beyond reality, where the intrinsic beauty found in them is pulled to the forefront. I am a realist fascinated with abstraction. So, in my work, I search for that sweet spot where abstraction and realism can coexist. 

 

This is the start of a new painting series of various water and reflective details I find in everyday life. But they are macro views, so they also become wild, abstract paintings. When you read the titles, you may start to see your world differently.

Zucchini Quiche

Oil on board, 2024

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This is a painting of the condensation on Saran wrap over a zucchini quiche after being taken out of the fridge. 

Metallic Bubble Wrap

Oil on board, 2024

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This is a painting of the reflections of my clothing and surroundings in a metallic bubble wrap mailing envelope.

Grilled Chicken

Oil on board, 2024

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This is a painting of the condensation on a glass lid over a plate of grilled chicken.

STRONGER THAN I KNOW

When I was a junior in college, I started having insomnia - I would go to bed at 10:30 p.m., not fall asleep until 4:00 or 5:00 a.m., then have to be up and ready for 8:00 a.m. classes. This persisted for a solid year before seeing any improvement, and even then, improvement was slight. 

 

During this time and the several years that followed, I lost myself. I hated myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore. Without sleep, I didn’t have the mental filter to sort through the thousands of thoughts that bombarded me every day. Especially in a world where social media, society, and expectations are so loud, I was drowning. Also during that time, I faced other trauma and didn’t know how to put myself back together. I felt worthless. I wondered if there was a way it could end; if my pain, physical and emotional, could go away. 

 

Through several rounds of therapy, God, and the support of family and my boyfriend at the time (now husband), I am emerging from the darkness. I am not perfect, and I am still healing, but I have started to love myself again. I have started to figure out who I am and put the pieces back together. 

 

This series has been a recent outlet for my healing as I continue going to therapy. It has helped me process where I have been, and where I want to go next. It has helped me see that I am stronger than I know. It is helping me learn to love and accept my not-so-perfect parts and to not be ashamed of being my whole self. 

 

I hope this series helps you know you are not alone, your pain is valid, and there is hope. There is always hope. You are stronger than you know.

Grooves

Drypoint on a CD, 2023

 

Life leaves imprints on you that shape who you become. Rings in a tree trunk are marks of growth. Each year, each new experience, each emotion you feel, makes you who you are. Life and emotions leave their mark on you. And when all those marks come together in harmony, they create something beautiful. Just like the grooves in a record or CD come together to play a beautiful and unique melody. Your life is your song to sing. And it can only be sung by feeling the good, the bad, the grand, and the mundane. As you allow yourself to feel and truly live life, you add to your rings and grooves, and emerge uniquely you. 

 

Each of the following pieces explores the different grooves that have been etched into my character and have helped me grow.

But It Still Hurts

Silkscreen, 2024

 

With mental health struggles, you feel so many things at once, often contradictory things. For a long time, the only way I could describe what I was going through was feeling completely empty, but still aching in every corner of my mind and body. Having to grapple with contradictions like this only adds to the hopelessness and despair you may be feeling.

What Is Happy? I Don’t Remember What It Feels Like

Acrylic paint on CD, scratched away, 2024

 

When you have been in the dark for so long, it is hard to remember what light is, your eyes get used to the dark and that becomes your new normal. When you have felt empty and numb, hopeless and worthless for so long, it is hard to remember how to feel happy. A huge part of my journey in therapy has been being brave enough to allow myself to feel happy again. It can be scary to be vulnerable when you know you might get hurt again. Sometimes it seems safer to block out the happy and good. That becomes your new normal and you forget.

Stop The Spiral, Break The Cycle

Marker on a 45 record, 2024

 

With mental health struggles, your mind becomes the battlefield and it is relentless. A big focus of my therapy has been to notice my thought processes and break negative patterns, to check the facts. That can be challenging when you have come to believe the lies you have been telling yourself for so long. 

Too Much Of Not Enough

Paint on vinyl records, 2024

 

I have struggled a lot with self worth. I felt like I lost the good parts about me and all that was left was worthless. I had an identity crisis, and of course turned to the world to find my value again. I internalized so many things that society, community, and culture said I was or wasn’t, should or shouldn’t be. I am still working on untangling this web of expectations and learning to accept myself as I am right now. I am still learning that my value doesn’t change with what happens to me, or what other people think of me. I am still trying to let myself believe that I am just enough, without any conditions or qualifiers.

Beyond Repair

Broken “nonbreakble” record, 2024

 

The world tells us we should be nonbreakable, perfect, but sometimes we are just falling apart. 

 

When you have been knocked down so many times, it feels like you are broken into a million pieces. So when you get knocked down again, you wonder how there is anything left to break, how there are any pieces left to pick up. It feels like the pieces are too small to put back together, and inevitably you have lost some pieces forever. Sometimes it feels like there is no point in getting back up because you are just going to be knocked down again. It is a shorter fall if you stay on the ground. 

Bad Days, Good Days

Drypoint on a CD, 2024

 

It feels weird to say “bad days, good days”, it feels more natural to say “good days, bad days” and end on the bad. We are hardwired to focus on the negative (negativity bias) - we remember pain so that we can hopefully avoid it in the future. But we have to change the narrative, we have to force ourselves to switch it and focus on the good days, and focus on the good inside us, even if it seems like there is only a sliver. There will still be times you are knocked to the ground. But I have learned that it is worth getting up. Good days will come. Learning to savor those days and remember them when you are on the ground will help you get back up.

Battle Scars And Beauty Marks

Vinyl record, wire, 2024

 

Our natural tendency is to hide our blemishes and scars - we think we should be ashamed of them. Stitching myself back together has not been pretty or pain free, but as I have learned to face things even when they may be hard to look at, I have been able to heal and find myself again. I am still stitching myself back together, but I am learning to be proud of my scars, to not keep them hidden. They have become a part of who I am.

Stronger Than I Know

Broken vinyl record, superglue, gold acrylic paint, 2024

 

Kintsugi is a Japanese practice of repairing broken ceramics with gold lacquer. It celebrates the flaws and imperfections, while reinforcing and strengthening. As my wounds have healed, scars have appeared, but they remind me how strong I have been and how strong I can be. I am starting to see that imperfection is beautiful, healing is beautiful, and I am beautiful. 

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